Try and pigeonhole me - posted at 00:33

Once again, I find myself on an interesting spiritual journey. I suppose that sometimes it's too easy to forget that it's a journey that I'm always on.

I've had several experiences in my life recently that leave me unsatisfied with simply calling myself an agnostic.

i want to see your goodness around me
but it's got the properties of water - transparent as glass
your goodness is coiled like a fist,
holed up in the back of the attic,
crouched like a cat

For one, I've begun to explore Unitarian Universalism. I believe that this is a healthy thing for me to do, and that it will help me let go of so much of the negativity that often swirls beneath my surface. I kind of let myself go over the last year, and I think that just learning to recognize my negativity will help me reclaim part of the Me that I used to be.

you said i look like a stone sinking
but i am a constellation cut out in the sky
and if i have stopped burning
will you know in your lifetime?

Secondly, and more importantly, I've discovered the sense of Love and Belonging that seems to take control of your whole mind and just reassures and comforts you. I found this on the stargazing trip that I took several weeks ago that left me feeling so wonderfully centered and comforted when my whole emotional world was in turmoil. I do not call this sense God or a deity of any sort, but rather it is just finding your center in this world. For me, it's something in nature, something as wonderfully simple as the night sky. I am enthralled by it, and find a true sense of centeredness in my insignificance.

and should i feel cold and far?
and should i feel weightless?

I find my home in nature, near the stars. I'm tempted to call that pagan, but so much of what I've read about paganism is earth-centered, rather than universe-centered. Perhaps I can just call it macro paganism for the time being.

<update> after I wrote this, Uller messaged me and educated me that what I was feeling, what I was trying to describe, can be called pantheism. This philosophy jives with me pretty well, but I still need to learn some more about it.</update>

i imagine safety in the stars
'cause you make so many wishes.
do you ever hear what the stars are saying to you?

As I said, I'm finding it difficult to label myself right now, especially given that these labels are subject to sudden and drastic change.

But for now? I'll consider myself an agnostic pantheist Unitarian Universalist.

That's quite a mouthful.