A slippery slope of nucleotides - posted at 19:25

Today's scary wake-up call is brought to you by Escapades of Reason.

There is so much in both Jared's post and the article that it was based on that just screamed "slippery slope" in my mind -- it was like there was a 50-foot neon billboard with those words flashing in hot pink far before the Slate article ever mentioned the phrase. As Jared's subject line suggests, A Brave New World-like scenario is a worst-case scenario that could result from our genetic meddling and tampering, though I hesitate to call it the worst case scenario, as humans have repeatedly shown themselves capable of newer and more horrible ways to treat each other that prove how naive I can truly be.

But I digress.

I think that the thing that bothers me most about this slippery-slope fallacy of modern eugenics is from the scientific point-of-view. We have taken evolution (being the random genetic mutations that give rise to new traits, be they successful or unsuccessful for the being) into our own hands and have essentially taken out the random element. New gene expressions may not get the chance to get a field test and may be snuffed out because they are misunderstood. Genetics is an enormously complex process. Something that may explicitly express itself in an undesirable way may have a dramatic effect in a more subtle fashion, but it may be "deselected" by a white coat because it is misunderstood.

What if someone told you that they had found a gene in an embryo of yours that would cause its all of its weight to be carried directly above the pelvis, causing a host of back and spine problems and (should the baby be female and reproduce) complications during pregnancy and childbirth? Sounds pretty bad, something you wouldn't want your child to have to live with, right? Well my friends, those are side effects from the genes that cause us to walk upright, which is something that otherwise gives us tremendous advantages as a species.

Or what if you were told that your baby would have a gene expression that would cause it to be born early so that it was completely helpless and dependent on you for far longer than is otherwise heard of? That is, of course, if it actually survived the birthing process, which would be made much more hazardous by this new gene expression. The trait I'm referring to here is large brain size, which gives us such formidable intelligence that we have become the masters of our domain and somehow ended up on the top of the food chain, despite being really rather unimpressive mammals, physically speaking.

My point here is that humans have made stupid decisions that we think are actually informed, scientific decisions when in fact they are anything but (CFCs come to mind. Ozone layer what?). What if a 'bad' gene that we think we are totally informed about really has a protective or good property that we don't immediately see? I don't think we humans are doing ourselves any favors by taking the natural selection part of the evolutionary process upon ourselves. Besides, who ever heard of genetic diversity in a population being a bad thing?

Purely scientific issues aside, I see this as causing a whole gamut of social issues (which probably won't sound all that new to those that are familiar with A Brave New World or Gattaca).

Some couples have opted to choose the sex of their baby so that it will "balance" the family. Balance???? What the crap is that? These are probably the same sort of people who think that a household is "balanced" if the man is supporting the family by doing a job that requires: a) a lot of grunting, and b) a drill, and the woman is relegated to the always-in-style barefoot-and-pregnant, dammit-woman-get-back-in-the-kitchen role. Maybe I'm a bit flippant, but I came from a "balanced" family -- one mother, one father, one daughter, one son -- and I still grew up hating Cabbage Patch dolls, I eschewed Barbies in favor of G. I. Joes and Ninja Turtles, used my dollhouse for architectural projects instead of doll-play, and grew up to get a mathematics degree and join the military. Yeah, a lot of good that "balance" did for my so-called feminine gender roles.

But I digress. Again.

In more seriousness, I see this going in two directions that are oddly enough not mutually exclusive.

What's to stop a couple that already has a child or two with given physical characteristics -- say, for fun, blond hair and blue eyes -- from using the 'balance' argument to select the same characteristics for their next child? After all, it would be hard to be a red-headed stepchild in this case, especially if you were really a red-headed biological child. I see this as only being a step or two away -- albeit a more scientifically advanced step or two -- from what the Nazis were trying to accomplish in their experimental eugenics programs.

I also see this as putting new stresses on marriage -- stresses that really shouldn't be there in the first place. Ok, it was all well and good when you couldn't decide what couch to get and what shade to paint your dining room, that was just a house. But now you're trying to design a kid. You may be able to compromise on superficial physical characteristics (you abhor the way your spouse's ears are pointy like an elf's but he or she adores it and wants to pass it on to the children), but when you start talking about who the child will really be, there's no compromising on that one like there was on the rug-and-tile combination you chose for your entryway. I don't see a situation like "Ok, this kid can be really good at science, but I want our next kid to be a jock!" working out. We all have ways that we'd like our hypothetical spawn to turn out (yes, even me) and we all have qualities that we hold as especially important that we may be willing to leave to chance but we wouldn't be willing to sacrifice if we had the option to exercise control over the situation.

I say that the genetic crapshoot of regular old babymakin' sex has been working great for millions of years -- why mess with a good thing? Yes, it would be wonderful to spare new parents the heartbreak of finding out that their newborn has a fatal congenital disease, but at the same time (and I'm so aware that this is spoken just like someone who isn't a parent) I'm not sure that we should have ever started down that slippery slope.

How considerate! - posted at 12:12

Ticket to Seoul - $1334.77

0.36 fl oz of Refresh Contacts rewetting drops - $6.99

Actually getting to use said eyedrops on a 24-hour trip to Korea, thereby preventing anguish-provoked enucleation and thus being able to see that face you've been waiting four months to put your eyes on - PRICELESS.

Thank you, TSA, for pulling your heads out of your asses and relaxing a knee-jerk reaction a smidge or two.

While we're on this cheesy Mastercard knock-off thing, you know what else would also be PRICELESS? Getting to meet -- and get my picture taken with -- the Chonger lookalike! It would make my trip to Korea officially the Best Vacation Ever. Squared.

If you get letters like this from me consider it a wake-up call - posted at 12:34

Dear Drivers On Dark Roads on Dark Alaska Nights:

Yes, it is dark outside. Yes, it is hard to see. Yes, I want to drive with my brights on because there are big scary MOOSAGES just waiting to run out in front of my car. But HEY! Dim your brights when there is an oncoming car! You're not doing me any favors when I'm all like "Oh hey here comes another car. I'll turn off my brights! I can't see as well now but that's ok, that other driver needs to see tooOWWWW! I CAN'T SEE!! It's even worse than it was two seconds ago!!! If any moose jump out I AM SO GOING TO DIE."

Sincerely,
That Other Driver Who Is More Likely To Veer Into Your Lane If She Can't See The Road Because Of Your Jerkishness And Who Is Even More Likely To Hit You If She Hits A Moose First

Dear Ballsy Turnagain Arm Drivers:

You're on what is probably the most beautiful road in all of the United States, but hey, why not speed up that SUV of yours that weighs the same as the beluga whales who are swimming just below us to warp speed when there are 70 mile per hour gusts ripping through the arm? I am sure that it would be a terrible loss if your precious SUV flew off the road onto the mud flats below, taking you with it, and it would be an even more terrible loss if you ended up just like everyone else who gets stuck in the mud flats, and by "like everyone else" I mean "D-E-D dead," FOR EXAMPLE: 1) the lady who got stuck while the tide was coming in and the rescue workers couldn't get her out in time so they gave her an oxygen tank and when the tide went back out she was DEAD ANYWAY because she forgot to look out for hypothermia! 2) the guy who got stuck in the mud flats and the rescue workers couldn't get him out by conventional means so they got a helicopter to pull him out but that mud was SO STUBBORN that he got ripped in half!

AWESOME, HUH??? Aren't you SO EXCITED to be driving THAT FAST on that road? I wish I was invincible too!

Sincerely,
Apparently The Only Driver On Turnagain Arm Without Either An Adolescent's Bulletproofness Or A Death Wish

Dear Mr. I Love To Tailgate When It's Raining ESPECIALLY BECAUSE Visibility Is Nil:

I guess that says it all, doesn't it?

Sincerely,
Not Willing To Die Because You Are A Moron